In the first one year of your relationship you are likely to experience a lot of quarrels with your partner!
This is very normal and expected.
Almost all relationships passed through this phase.
This is part of the processes that comes with loving a person deeply and building a stronger bond with them. The both of you begins from that phase where you are trying to understand what works for each other, each other's love and communication language.
This phase may take few months or a year depending on how intentional and deeply in love both of you are.
It is not an easier thing to just pass bye. Many relationships don't survive it.
The goal of Conflict is not necessarily to separate. Conflict can be such a strengthener of bonds howbeit depending on how it is handled.
When you quarrel with your partner and you settle it successfully, your bond never becomes the same, it always gets stronger this is because you need both the good and bad times to build a long lasting bond.
Not many relationships survive this phase.
Here are few ways to scale your relationship through this phase:
1. Talk about every and anything: Yea! Everything that bothers you in the relationship is important to be talked about. Hide nothing and keep nothing to yourself. If you do so, you will only be building chain reaction to offense.
The day your partner may offend you, your reaction will not only be limited to the offence alone it will be an accumulation of all the offense you have tried to suppress. Let it off your chest. Talk to your partner.
2. Submit your relationship to mentorship: Have an authority your relationship is accountable to.
I can't count how many relationships I have saved through this stage. Many times they totally give up on the relationship but just when they come for counselling and I take them through some teachings they realize it was a mistake thinking of breaking up.
Trust me there are many relationships and marriages that failed, that could have survived if only they had an authority figure over them. That figure could be your pastor, your mentor, a relationship counsellor etc.
Bonus; It will help you not to also do nonsense (Tueh Tueh!) As a Christian in your courtship, relationship or dating. (Whatever name serves you best). And if you don't know what Tueh Tueh means you should be in Heaven by now 🤧.
3. Pray together: There is a kind of bond you will never achieve with your partner if you don't pray together. Praying together is one of the surest ways of building a strong bond with your partner. It also helps to Wade off unnecessary offenses. There is nothing as powerful as two persons who are spiritually sensitive in a relationship.
4. Don't let your quarrel last more than 24hours: When my wife and I was courting. We will quarrel sometimes and stay 2days without talking to each other. We discovered that it made little things seem so big and caused more damage when it really shouldn't have.
When we decided to reach an agreement not to let any quarrel last for more than 24hours things took a different turn. We took turns on who initiates the dialogue for peace.
When it's Her turn to initiate a dialogue and she fails, if I do it she pays me a fine 😁😁. That was how I was chopping her money (She's still owing me some of them till now Sha 😳)
Make your relationship fun guys.
Quarrel, enjoy it. Settle and move on like nothing happened. Your love will grow stronger.
This few tips will help your relationship scale through the conflict stage successfully.
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