Boo and I
Written By: Voice Opeyemi
Title: Attunement
Series Two: Attend To Her
What does it mean to attend? To listen! Men has one weakness it is inability to listen. Instead of them to listen and let the woman pour out her mind they want to apologise and move on.
They don't like wasting time on a long conversation when they knew where it is heading.
They knew at the end of it all they will have to apologise, why not apologise and move on, “so they think”.
But for a woman apology means nothing until she is heard, what truly matters to her is your ability to listen to her and let her pour out herself. So that when you say I am sorry, she is sure you can identify what you are sorry for.
She is not expecting you to just be sorry, she wants you to know why you are sorry and if she hasn't pour out herself, she believe you don't know why.
And if you insistt that you are sorry without listening, she believe you are lying and taking her for granted.
That's why when a woman wrong a man, she won't want to say sorry just because the man said she hurt him, she wants to know what she did wrong but men will say women don't like saying sorry. Women like saying sorry but don't like saying sorry for no reason.
About two weeks ago myself and my guy had a misunderstanding and as I was pouring out my displeasures he was trying to apologise.
To him he is sorry, to me he is trying to shut me up. I have to make him realise that he has to listen to me. Until he gave a listening ear to me, allow me to pour out my mind that was when I was healed and found meaning in his apology. If he hasn't listen, we will be on it for a very long while and at the end I will seem to him a nagger while to me he will become unloving.
Men love to go straight to the point but for a woman, she love process.
Some men do not understand the difference between listening to a woman and dialoguing. So, when a woman is expressing herself they wanted to share their own view, explain or defend themselves.
These will rather buttress the argument and eventually escalate it.
When a woman is venting her grievance or expressing displeasure, what she needed most is a listening ear. She might be wrong or have a wrong impression, just listen. Wait for her to land. If she is not done and you intrude, she will explode.
Once you realise she is done, you can now share your own side of the story or give your perspective or explain yourself.
Most time this is to be done long after she has poured out herself.
Allow her to calm down and feel at home if not she will think you are attacking her or trying to fight back.
Women are complicated it takes wisdom to deal with that gender.
0 Comments